Wednesday, May 7, 2014

I Like Endangering My Children

My children are in wheelchairs.  My wife and I taught them how to walk, and they were walking just fine, but they wanted to attend school, and you're not allowed to walk at school.   There are various reasons for the prohibition, though some (the authorities are scared of people who can walk) are not advertised.  The advertised reasons are all about keeping the kids safe.

So the kids get wheelchairs when they get to school.  That's ok with me because they can walk at home.  Except that they don't walk at home.  They are allowed to take the wheelchairs home, and they do.  The schools encourage this, again because they want to help keep the kids safe.  When I ask my kids to go for a walk with me, they decline.  I know that's pretty disturbing, but it gets a lot worse.

Since they've been sitting or lying for so long, the lower portions of their legs have become numb.  I have watched their toes get broken at school and showed them their broken toes and offered to help them get the exercise that would help them heal.  The exercise brings life back to the injured extremities, and with that life comes the pain of the injuries.  My children don't like the pain, so they have stopped the exercises.  I am distraught about this.  Any advice would be helpful.

I have already forbidden the wheelchairs in the house, so the kids have taken to crawling on their hands and knees to get to their beds at night, and out to the car in the mornings.  I told them that they should crawl at school too, as the exercise would help their feet heal so that they could walk again, but they are not allowed to crawl.  Safety concerns again.

My wife is also worried about the kids' safety, so she has been asking me not to let them crawl around the house, and telling me I should carry them to their beds when they get home from school.  I am about ready to abandon my family because my depression is beginning to ruin the lives of everyone around me.  Any advice would be helpful.


A Roo said...

Stop whining and be a good teacher/parent/role model. You can not make them walk, but you can stop enabling them. Figure out what matters to them and provide it only when they walk to it. And if they are so pathetic that nothing matters to them, then throw them in the middle of a large body of water.

From Roslyn, said...

Do not figure out what matters to them and provide it only when they walk to it--that is an attempt to control that will backfire. But DO always stand up for yourself, demand your needs be met. When a situation makes us miserable we can flee, which could work for you, or you can focus on clear communication (NVC) about your needs. Express yourself and get your needs met. Make it about you. "I love you and I support your desire to be in your wheel chair, but it makes me too depressed so I cannot be around you right now. I cannot give you a ride home from school as it goes against my own moral principles. I do not want to control you, I want you to make your own choices, but I HAVE to take care of myself. Never carry your children if you don't want to. They are allowed to be sad. You can be with them and stay connected with them when they are sad. You still don't have to carry them. This is akin to any parent dealing with a drug addict. You cannot save an addict. He can only save himself. But you do not have to torture yourself. Have you read Non Violent Communication?